


Baby Mine

by thatwasdramatic



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Baby Fic, F/M, Jaime is an idiot sandwich and he knows it, Pregnancy, but we love him anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-03-30 00:29:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19031062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwasdramatic/pseuds/thatwasdramatic
Summary: AU in which everything happens in exactly the same way as the show, except Jaime survives. And King Bran appoints him Master of War, which means he now sits in the Small Council alongside Ser Brienne of Tarth, Lady Commander of the (not necessarily celibate) Kingsguard, his former... something. And she has some news for him.





	1. Chapter 1

"I'm pregnant."

In an alternate universe in which Jaime wasn't the stupidest Lannister, he could see how this conversation would have played out. Brienne would have said those same words in the warm safety of their room at Winterfell. She would have been worried - about the babe, about his reaction, about being the first ever unwed pregnant knight - and he would have kissed her worries away, grinned proudly and told her she had made him the happiest man in the seven kingdoms. He would have taken her straight to the godswood and married her. Then they would have come back to bed, Jaime joking about them needing to consummate their marriage even so. She would have looked at him disapprovingly but he knew that look of mock disapproval well, and after plenty of consummating Brienne would have fallen asleep in his arms. Jaime would have slowly drifted off, stroking her arm, thinking of how he didn't hate the fucking North after all.

In this alternate universe, Jaime did not allow self-loathing to cloud his judgment. Or he would have at least confided in Brienne, asked for help, believed in her when she told him he was a good man.

But this was his real timeline, in which he _was_ the stupidest Lannister, in which he rode away from the true love of his life so he could receive the final punishment for all his sins and die with his hateful sister. Except he didn't. And now he found himself not safely in Brienne's arms but once again with a table between them - again in the White Sword Tower, on the spot where he once gave her Oathkeeper, receiving the most wonderful news and having to hide his delight.

The woman he loved was pregnant with his child, and he couldn't hold her or kiss her or tell her how much he loved her, or their babe. And it was all his own damn fault.

The last few weeks had been torture, having to be so often around her and receiving nothing but politeness. He could tell it was her way of protecting herself, and he respected it, but if they had cut off his other hand it wouldn’t have hurt quite so much. They had never been coolly polite to each other. He would rather face a hundred dragons than one polite Brienne.

As Master of War and Lady Commander of the Kingsguard they had much to do with each other – and sometimes Jaime felt that it was all part of King Bran’s plan, and also that he could see Sansa Stark’s smirk all the way from her direwolf throne in Winterfell – but Brienne always found a way to speak about official businesses with someone else in the room, either Tarly or Podrick. Pod, who Jaime once counted as an ally in matters concerning Brienne, but who now looked at Jaime with nothing but anger. When Jaime had vented about Pod’s behaviour to Tyrion all he got was a deep sigh and a “You hurt her, Jaime. Pod loves her as if she were his own mother, how else would you expect him to react?”

And now here they were, alone for only the second time since the Winterfell courtyard. The first had been when he had tried to apologise, to explain, to make some sense of what he had done. It ended with Brienne asking him to please not speak of it again, she understood and would rather they focus on working together from now on, for the good of the realm. She had called him ‘Ser Jaime’, again, and it had stunned him to such a degree he couldn’t even say anything or follow as she walked away.

This time, however, he _had_ to say something. Brienne was staring straight at him, and he couldn’t help but marvel at how much confidence she had now.

“How are you feeling?” It feels like a safe question to ask.

“Fine, I suppose, considering I did not even realise it until a few days ago.” Brienne says matter-of-factly, but it hurt Jaime’s heart that she had been too busy, or more likely too heartbroken, to realise she had been pregnant for he supposed almost four months. He wishes he could have been there to help her notice the changes in her body, and no doubt to enjoy them and…

Brienne clears her throat and interrupts his daydream.

“I want the baby.” Her tone is clear and a little defiant, but so is his:

“So do I.”

*  
“A baby.”

It’s very different from the last time he sat in an inn to drink wine with his brother and talk about his relationship with Brienne. Tyrion seems to be past jokes, staring at Jaime with concern.

“Yes, a baby.”

“And you’re going to marry her?”

“It is the right thing to do.”

“This might be a first.”

“What do you mean?” Jaime asks, and waits as his brother drinks his wine, and then gives Jaime a smirk before replying:

“A man and a woman who are desperately in love with each other, have already been in a successful - in every way - relationship, are about to get married... and both are quite miserable at the prospect. You, my big brother, have managed to fuck things up in ways I did not believe it was possible for things to be fucked up.”

Jaime wants to be angry but it’s not as if Tyrion is wrong. Except for one detail.

“I’m not miserable at the prospect. There’s nothing I want more than to marry Brienne and be a father to our child. I’m only miserable because I’ve made her miserable.”

“She loves you. It will only get better.”

“You don’t know Brienne. I broke her heart.”

“So mend it.”

*  
They don’t really discuss anything, which is so very like them Jaime finds himself in a constant struggle not to laugh, even though of course there’s nothing funny about their situation. He stares at Brienne instead of paying attention to what Tyrion says in the Small Council meetings, finds excuses to stick around for her training sessions (he’s Master of War... it’s not hard), sits next to her at every meal. His longing looks don’t particularly work on Brienne (or Podrick), but they do work on making Bronn even more frustrated with Jaime than usual.

One night, after Brienne bids them goodnight after dinner and walks away, Jaime watches her go with such intensity his heart twists. It‘s like all the things he felt at their Harrenhal, King’s Landing, and Riverrun goodbyes put together.

“Weren’t we past this, for fuck’s sake?” Bronn asks, downing another cup of wine. Tyrion laughs, Ser Davos smiles, but Podrick gets up with a frown and follows his Commander, giving Bronn a look of pure disgust.

Jaime ponders that even if Brienne forgives him one day, Podrick might never do.

*  
Two days later Brienne asks for a word after yet another Small Council meeting.

She’s written to her father, and he has given his blessing for them to marry. Jaime doesn’t ask how much she’s told Lord Selwyn, but supposes his soon-to-be goodfather will realise the state of things when the baby is born less than five months after the wedding.

King Bran has allowed them to use her rooms - his former rooms - and Jaime’s welcome to start moving his things there. Jaime is a little surprised and very, very pleased that they’ll be sharing a room at all.

The wedding will be in a week, unless that doesn’t suit him. Of course it suits him, he should have married her already. He should have married her right after he knighted her instead of just sitting in the Great Hall of Winterfell listening to Pod singing Jenny of Oldstones and thinking of how he was ready to die by Brienne’s side, when he should have been thinking of living by her side instead.

*  
They were married in a tiny sept, the only one left in King’s Landing. Lord Selwyn didn’t make the journey to the capital but sent Brienne a maiden’s cloak, which Jaime felt was quite ludicrous not because the bride wasn’t a maiden but because if anyone would be doing the protecting in their marriage it would be her. She didn’t wear her Kingsguard armour but her blue one and had Oathkeeper on her hip, and they gave Jaime hope.

And now here they are, once again in a room of their own, once again on the brink of something.

He wondered if she might be shy around him, but after a moment of hesitation Brienne seems to accept the fact that he has seen her naked many, many times, knows every inch of her body and has touched and kissed it all, and so there is no point in being coy about undressing in front of him now. She takes off her breeches and tunic and in the space of time that it takes her to put on a nightshirt Jaime looks at how her body has already changed. She’s over four months along, and there’s a new swell to her belly and her breasts are already fuller. He wants nothing more than to run his hands down her body, to cradle her bump and kiss it.

Instead he shuffles awkwardly in a corner, waiting for Brienne to decide what their sleeping arrangements will be. The drawer where she’s put her clothes in is on the right side of the room, but once she’s done Brienne makes her way to the left side of the bed, her side, and Jaime has to force himself not to grin over that little bit of domesticity staying the same. Once Brienne is safely under the covers she finally looks up at him, sighs, and says:

“I’m not going to make you sleep on the floor.”

It’s not quite the declaration of love he would have hoped for on this of all nights but it is progress, Jaime supposes as he takes his place on the right side of the bed.

“Goodnight” Brienne says before turning to lie on her side, away from him. Jaime waits a few minutes and he knows she’s still not asleep - he knows exactly what her breathing sounds like when she is - but she’s pretending to be and he decides to take advantage of it. So he slowly moves closer and whispers in her ear: “I love you, wife. I can’t wait to meet our child.”

Her breathing stills for a moment so Jaime knows she’s heard him, and he hates himself a little bit more for making it that these stolen words are all he can give her on their wedding night.

*  
He thinks they’re doing better a few weeks into their marriage. Their conversations are either about the Kingsguard and governing the six kingdoms or the babe, but they seem to last longer which he can only take as a positive sign. She lets him know that Samwell Tarly is pleased with how healthy both Brienne and the baby are, and that his wife Gilly will help her through the birth. And because he was there _before_ , all three times, Jaime says he’ll help her too, of course.

She looks like she’s about to cry and Jaime curses himself – how can he possibly be making her cry _again_? But Brienne gathers herself, and says in a low but steady voice:

“I’m sorry, but you can’t be there. I’m not doing this to punish you, I would never use the baby in this way. But my mother died in childbed, as did yours. I will need to give my all to bring this baby into the world. I cannot go through it worrying about the last time you were with a woman while she gave birth.”

She says it all with no hint of reproach, of anger. She states it as fact, and with a tone that asks him to understand _her_ side, and it breaks his heart. You are not second best, Brienne. You are not my second choice. He wants to tell her that now and every day for the rest of their lives, but he’s terrified she’ll never believe him.

He can do nothing but nod, and respect her choice.

He has never been a religious man but this time he chooses to send a silent prayer to the gods asking that she might forgive him one day, that there might be more children, and that he will be able to hold Brienne as she brings them into the world.

*  
Sansa Stark sends baby clothes from Winterfell, all with little direwolves embroidered by the Queen in the North herself. Brienne looks at Jaime as he watches her put the clothes away, as if daring him to roll his eyes, but he simply smiles. It’s not a lie, either. Catelyn and Sansa Stark, one way or another, brought them together. It seems oddly fitting for their child to have some clothes with wolf bits.

But he still makes a mental note to ask Tyrion where he could get someone to embroider some things with moons, stars, and little lions.

*  
Brienne is clearly uncomfortable, shifting from side to side.

“Are you quite alright, Ser Brienne?” Tyrion asks her.

“I am, thank you, it’s just the babe.”

Jaime must look terrified at that because Tarly immediately turns to him and says it’s perfectly normal for the baby to move around quite a bit at this stage of pregnancy.

A little while later as the men leave the room Jaime stays behind, as he always does to help her get up. She doesn’t allow him to help _every_ time but he treasures every time she does. Today, however, he doesn’t want her to get up at all, so before she gets a chance he kneels down next to her and looks up, a silent question that she understands perfectly. They know each other so well.

Brienne nods and Jaime gently places his hand on the side of her belly, and it only takes a moment for him to feel the baby kick. He never knew it was possible for him to feel the babe like this. It’s beautiful and scary and Jaime’s filled with wonder. He once had three children and regretted every time he was not allowed to hold them or call them his, but this… this he hadn’t even known he missed out on.

Something in his reaction tells Brienne that this is a moment that is all hers, all _theirs_ , and she softens. She slowly moves to place her hand over his on her belly, and Jaime hopes the baby can feel how it is loved.

*  
A few days later finds them lying in bed, the usual respectful distance between them - he’s thought about asking if she wanted to lay Oathkeeper there, but the jape would only succeed in making his situation more precarious - when Brienne reaches out for his hand, and places it on the side of her belly.

He turns to her, a little in shock, and notices that she pulled up her nightshift, so her beautiful big belly is right there for him to see, but more than that he can see the baby kicking. Even though the soft moonlight is the only thing brightening up the room he can tell it’s a tiny foot pushing up against Brienne’s belly. He had seen beautiful things in his life - Brienne’s eyes, the way she moves as she fights, the mountains and blue waters of Tarth - but nothing quite like this.

His eyes are full of tears and as he looks up he sees so are Brienne’s, and neither of them can help smiling at the other.

“Good footwork is essential in a fight. I’m glad the baby’s starting early.” It’s a lame attempt at a joke but it makes Brienne laugh a little and he feels alive with joy. Jaime’s hand is still caressing her belly and he never wants to stop. The baby hasn’t stopped kicking either.

“Can you sleep at all when the baby’s kicking like this?”

“Not really. But I don’t mind.” Brienne replies, and Jaime thinks he understands what she means. He would gladly give up all the sleep in the world to feel his child bursting with life.

*  
In the end, Jaime is not there to see his daughter come into the world. Brienne fights that battle alone like she did so many before, and she wins, like all that came before too. When he walks into their bedroom, Brienne is sitting up holding the baby and Sam and Gilly smile and congratulate him as they leave him alone with his ladies.

Jaime sits on the bed beside Brienne, eyes moving from his incredible wife to their beautiful baby girl. Brienne eventually looks up at him and smiles, and he smiles back, the two of them finding common ground in the love they share for the precious bundle between them.

Brienne starts to move the baby to him and Jaime is overcome with fear - he has never held a baby before. He makes to stop her, but Brienne shakes her head. He’s overcome with something else, then. With love and awe for this woman who has always believed in the best in him, who has always trusted him even when no one else did.

When Jaime finally holds his daughter in his arms, he knows, without a doubt, that it is the single happiest moment of his life. The baby stirs a little but instinct tells him what to do, how to adjust her so she’s safe and comfortable.

And then his baby girl opens her eyes, and they’re as blue as sapphires.

“I’m very sorry to say, my lady, that you now have the second most astonishing set of eyes in the seven kingdoms.”

Brienne makes a noise between a sob and a laugh, and tears falls down her cheeks. And Jaime, who has spent the last few months measuring everything he said and did towards Brienne, now – _finally_ \- acts in true Jaime Lannister fashion: without thinking it through.

Still carefully holding the baby he leans towards Brienne and kisses her tear-strained cheek, before moving to kiss her lips. She kisses him back ever so softly, and when he ends the kiss and looks at her he sees the hint of a smile.

He has a wife and a daughter he loves, and will no longer live a life of hiding his feelings away.

“I told you once we don’t get to choose who we love. I was wrong. I choose you, today and every day, for the rest of our lives.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t think of how to write a sequel but I couldn’t let go of this story either, so here is Brienne’s perspective. Thank you so, so much to everyone who read, liked, commented - it means the world to me. Anything you recognise is from the books/show!

Brienne _hates_ waste. But after two sleepless nights she has to admit defeat and that she needs a new mattress. She’s already staying in _his_ old quarters, holding _his_ former position, yielding the sword _he_ gave her, living with the heart _he_ broke. Yet somehow it’s the mattress that she can’t take, the idea of him sleeping in it, without her, with someone else or thinking of someone else... No. A new mattress it is. 

No one questions her request for a new one, and by the time Brienne comes back to her bedroom there it is. A clean slate - no tears, no sweat, no blood.

Blood.

_Blood._

She hasn’t bled in months.

She hasn’t bled since _before_. 

*

Brienne of Tarth is a knight and no craven, so the next morning - after a third sleepless night after all - she sees Samwell Tarly. She’s far along enough for him to confirm her pregnancy without difficulty.

In a different world, a different life, Brienne would have been scared. Worried about what she would do, what people might think. But she has seen and lived through too much to worry or care.

The only thing she feels is overwhelming love for her child. She doesn’t regret a second of Winterfell. They were happy. She knows they were happy. She might not have him anymore but she will have this, proof that they both chose to give themselves to one another. She will raise this baby with so much love, in this world she is helping rebuild. She doesn’t need a man by her side to do so (she wants one, she wants _him,_ but she lowered her walls for him once and then he proved her right to have them up there in the first place...).

But while Brienne might not have a husband, her child has a father, and he must know.

*

“I want the baby.”

“So do I.” 

She doesn’t doubt him.

He told her about Tommen and Myrcella, in those days and nights in Winterfell when they talked and talked as if to make up for lost time, for all those years of many intense longing looks but few words. So she knows how he wanted to be a father to his children, and that he will not walk away from this second chance.

Then he offers to marry her and his tone, the way he nods before speaking, it all reminds her of that odd conversation they had outside the walls of Winterfell as the men and women trained before the long night. Once he offered to fight - and die - by her side. Now he’s offering to _live_. 

She accepts, and stops thinking of him as, well, ‘him’. He’s Jaime again.

*

Somewhere in Tarth Lord Selwyn is probably still digesting his only daughter’s last letter, the one where she told him she voted for King Bran and was now Lady Commander of his Kingsguard. Brienne wonders what this one will do to him. She should probably have asked for his leave to marry Jaime, but she decided to simply inform her father of her betrothal instead. In a few months she will also inform him he’s a grandfather, and hopefully he will just be grateful for a legitimate heir and not mention the obvious.

But right now, the most glaring omission in Brienne’s letter is the fact that she does not tell her father how much she loves Jaime. She can’t put all they had in a letter, the things they went through together, how she learned what an honourable man Jaime is, how he saved her again and again, how he helped her achieve her dreams, how he made her _smile._ She obviously can’t tell her father about Winterfell, how it wasn’t just one night, it was nights and mornings and afternoons and stolen moments all over the castle. That it was the happiest month of her life.

The memories swallow her up, and it takes her a whole week to finish writing the letter.

*

“Ser… You don’t have to do this. Marry him. It’s a new world, the Lady Commander of the Kingsguard can have her child with her and no one will mind. I’ll help with the baby. Gilly and Sam will too, I’m sure of it.”

Once Brienne would have minded her squire crossing so many boundaries at once, but Pod is a knight now, and they’re more than just knight and Commander. It’s almost sweet that Pod thinks that this new world they’re building has changed so much to allow not only a _Lady_ Commander of the Kingsguard but one who trains recruits with a baby on her hip and no husband.

That’s the excuse she gives him, because she can’t tell even Pod that she _wants_ to marry Jaime. The thought of forgiving him is still far too much, Brienne can still feel the warmth of the tears on her cheeks as he rode away from her, the chill of their empty bed. But that doesn’t stop her from remembering everything else either.

She had always thought that one of the reasons nothing would ever happen between them was because it would be too difficult. But she was surprised to find that it was all so, so easy. It was easy to fall into a routine, to learn how to sleep every night with someone in your arms. Easy to lie in bed with him, talking, or just running her fingers through his hair. Easy to spar with him, laugh with him, kiss him. It had been so damn easy to love Jaime Lannister.

It was easy for him to walk away from you, a nasty voice says. A nasty voice that sounds like her septa and her former betrotheds and like someone else too, but Brienne won’t let her have a say in anything. She did enough.

*

Tyrion approaches her a few days later to say how happy he is to be an uncle. And it hits Brienne for the first time that between herself, Jaime, her father, Podrick, and Tyrion, her baby will have a _family_. Her child won’t have a lonely childhood in Tarth, or be sent away to foster with some strange lord. It will grow up surrounded by family, and love.

*

At some point Tyrion must have realised that Brienne and Gilly are the only two women at court at this moment, and that neither knows much (or anything, in Gilly’s case) about Westerosi weddings. Her sweet maid (she has a handmaiden and a squire, as befits a Lady Commander) brings in a seamstress who talks about different outfits - not dresses - that Brienne could wear to her wedding. She talks about fabrics and lace of all things, until Brienne interrupts her. Growing up, Brienne never gave any thought to what she would wear if she were to get married, but it is clear to her now.

Brienne will wear her blue armour, the one that matches her eyes and fits her perfectly. The armour she wore the night she became a knight, when she fulfilled her vows to Lady Catelyn, when she defeated the Hound and the army of the dead. The armour Jaime gave her, the one he took off her after long days in Winterfell. She feels like a knight the most when she wears it, and like a woman the most too.

And it will be easier to have Oathkeeper with her if she wears the armour. _It will always be yours._ Isn’t that what she’s about to promise him too?

*

She hesitates for just a moment before taking off her tunic - a moment is all it takes for Brienne to acknowledge to herself that they are now married, but more than that: she has already bared her heart and soul to Jaime, so what does it matter if he sees her body. Again, that is. She can feel Jaime’s eyes on her, and maybe it takes longer than it should for her to put on her nightshirt. She doesn’t know how to seduce a man (although whatever she did before seemed to work with this one), but she remembers how it felt when Jaime used to look at her, all of her, and really see her. She wants a taste of that again tonight.

A moment is all she gives herself, and Jaime, because whatever happened between Tyrion setting him free and Tyrion finding Jaime under the rubble is always in the back of Brienne’s mind. Rationally she knows it can’t have been much, and if she had allowed Jaime to explain she might find out it wasn’t anything at all, and yet. And yet.

She’s on the right side of the room but goes over to lie on the left side of the bed. She can’t hold his hand if they’re lying on the opposite sides. Not that she’s planning on holding his hand tonight. But sometime. Maybe.

Jaime is still standing in a corner. How can he look so bloody handsome while shuffling his feet like an awkward boy? She lets out a frustrated sigh and says:

“I’m not going to make you sleep on the floor.”

He practically _skips_ over to his side, the smug bastard, taking off this shirt as he does, and lying in just his smallclothes. She has slept next to him many times, but this is the first time either of them is wearing any clothes. The thought tugs at Brienne’s heart, so she says goodnight and turns to lie on her side. It’s easier if she can’t look at him.

She thinks herself safe, for tonight, when suddenly Jaime moves closer and closer and whispers in her ear:

“I love you, wife. I can’t wait to meet our child.”

It takes all her self-control not to gasp. She loves him so much that it _hurts._ She wants to let go, to forget, to be with him again. And a traitorous part of her says that if she lets him kiss her and hold her and take her then she _will_ forget.

But she can’t forget. Not quite yet. She is not the girl he met in Riverrun, who got flustered when he taunted her about Renly. She’s a knight with enough confidence to know she deserves more than any scraps the world was once willing to give her, and enough confidence to _want_ more too. So tonight Brienne will close her eyes and will herself to sleep.

But in her dreams, they’re always in Winterfell.

*

A few days later Brienne wakes up with a full bladder in the middle of the night, and it is once she’s back in bed and almost asleep that she feels the baby kick for the first time.

She gasps so loudly she thinks Jaime will wake but he doesn’t, and she’s disappointed. She knows he won’t be able to feel just yet but gods, she wants to tell him that their babe is growing and moving and kicking.

She wants to but she knows she won’t, because it’s too hard. They still have so much to do to rebuild what Jaime broke as he rode away from her.

He told her he loved her and it’s not that she doesn’t believe him. It’s that there’s a nagging, ugly voice inside her head saying “well, it’s easy for him to say that _now_ isn’t it...”.

Is it easier for him to stay in her bed when he doesn’t have anywhere else to run off to in the middle of the night? Any _one_ else to run to?

*

Every time Brienne tells Jaime something about the babe he looks at her with such gratitude it makes her angry. What did he think she was going to do, hoard information? Let him wonder if she and the baby are healthy, or make him go ask Maester Tarly himself? But then she remembers he never got to be a father before regardless of how many children he might have had, and the anger goes away. 

Samwell and Gilly are pleased with how her pregnancy is going, and confident Brienne and the babe will be fine. Brienne has never found it easy to be friends with ladies but she likes Gilly very much, and already appreciates that she’ll be there to help her through labour when the time comes.

And then Jaime says he’ll be there to help her too, of course.

She had hoped he would be like all other men and stay outside until she was ready to present him their child, but Jaime had told her himself there were no men like him. Of course he would want to be there with her as the baby came into the world.

And of course Brienne wants him to be there, but he _can’t be_. It’s right there in the casualness of his tone as he told her he would be helping her through labour - it is her first birth but he’s done this _before_. And even though she knows in her heart that he will be completely focused on her and their child, Brienne also knows herself and that she won’t be able to help bringing a former queen’s ghost into the room. And she won’t have her child be born with that shadow over them.

“I’m sorry, but you can’t be there. I’m not doing this to punish you, I would never use the baby in this way. But my mother died in childbed, as did yours. I will need to give my all to bring this baby into the world. I cannot go through it worrying about the last time you were with a woman while she gave birth.”

It’s the hardest thing Brienne has ever said to him. She can tell it breaks his heart. She’s not vindictive, she doesn’t want him to have a taste of what he put her through. But she needs to do this for their child, and for herself.

*

A package arrives from Winterfell. Sansa has been busy embroidering baby clothes for Brienne, and they’re lovely. Brienne is touched the Queen in the North has gone through such trouble - she knows how Sansa feels about Jaime. The embroidery features all direwolves, and the kind part of Brienne assumes that might be all Sansa knows how to embroider. The shrewd part knows Sansa is sending Jaime a message.

Jaime, who watches as Brienne puts the baby’s clothes away with a smile on his face. Even after he’s seen the selection of little direwolves his child will be wearing. He keeps doing and saying all the right things, and it’s getting harder and harder to not lean in, forgive, and forget.

*

The baby won’t stop kicking, and while it is a joy Brienne needs to focus on what Lord Davos is saying, because more ships will always increase the risk of smugglers and pirates and _ouch,_ that was a proper kick, she can’t think like this...

“Are you quite alright, Ser Brienne?” Tyrion asks kindly, and Brienne can sense Jaime instantly sitting up straighter.

“I am, thank you, it’s just the babe.”

Her answer seems to pacify Tyrion, and Lord Davos nods with the understanding of a father of many, but Jaime still looks so scared for her and the babe that all Brienne wants to do is throw caution to the wind, walk over to his side of the table - why is there always a bloody table - and kiss his worries away. Just as he kissed her insecurities away those first few nights in Winterfell. 

Samwell does a much more clinical explaining of the situation, and although Jaime relaxes a bit, Brienne still senses how on edge he is. And so when the meeting is over she stays in her seat, waiting for him to come over as she knows he will. He kneels down beside her, and when he looks up his eyes ask her the question she had been waiting for, so she nods and Jaime finally places his hand on her belly so he can feel their baby move.

Jaime has always looked like half a god, but he has never looked half as handsome as he does in this moment, feeling their child move for the first time. His eyes are somehow greener and shining with light and love. His smile is wider than Brienne thought possible, and he looks younger, like his features had never been touched by war or loss. And suddenly Brienne knows, without a doubt, that Jaime has never experienced this before.

She doesn’t want him to feel self-conscious or worry about asking too much from her. She wants this moment to last forever for him. So Brienne slowly places her hand on top of his and holds it on top of her belly. They stay there for an age, marvelling at what their love created.

*

Earlier, while taking a bath, Brienne could actually _see_ the baby kick, and it took all her self control not to get up and run to get Jaime. She wanted to see his eyes shining with joy and excitement again.

Jaime is lying next to her in bed with his eyes closed, but Brienne can tell he’s still awake. And the baby’s kicking up a storm, so now’s their chance. If they were different people Brienne might have said something first but they’re only themselves, so she simply pulls up her nightshift, reaches out for his hand and places it on the side of her belly where their child’s foot is.

Brienne loved songs as a girl but they let her down, because no song ever described anything so genuine and beautiful as Jaime looks in this moment. He seems completely overwhelmed with love. For their child, yes, but Brienne’s eyes are suddenly full of tears because she knows, she _knows,_ some of that love is for her. When Jaime looks up at her she notices he’s teary too. And when they smile at each other Brienne hopes he can tell she loves him too.

“Good footwork is essential in a fight. I’m glad the baby’s starting early.”

Of course he makes a joke and Brienne can’t help but snort. But she knows he means it, and that he - they - will want to teach the babe to fight whether it’s a boy or a girl. She loves Jaime just a little bit more for that.

She tells the baby not to stop kicking, because Jaime is still caressing her belly and she never wants him to stop. The baby complies and aims another hard kick up against papa’s hand.

“Can you sleep at all when the baby’s kicking like this?”

“Not really. But I don’t mind,” Brienne replies. Whether Jaime takes it as a sign of a mother’s love for her child, or because of the closeness it has brought them Brienne is not sure. It’s all true in any case.

*

Brienne imagines giving birth is like fighting a battle. Tough, painful, bloody, and probably much easier if Jaime were by her side.

But it’s a battle she wins.

Her daughter comes into the world kicking and screaming and Brienne thinks _yes, here’s my little knight._ And there must have been times when Brienne worried about what kind of mother she would be or if she would even know how to care for a child, but all of those worries disappear the moment Gilly places the babe on Brienne’s chest.

Holding her baby feels just as easy and natural as when she first held a sword. She once thought her arms and hands were too large, but they’re the perfect size to hold her daughter and keep her safe. Her and Jaime’s daughter, and gods does she look like Jaime - Brienne can see his features everywhere, except in her little girl’s blue eyes.

Brienne is far away admiring her baby when Gilly asks her if there’s anything she needs and yes, there is. She doesn’t care how she looks or how messy the room is, Brienne just needs Jaime there.

But she doesn’t know what to say to him quite yet so Brienne just keeps looking at her baby in awe as Jaime comes into their bedroom and sits by her side. When she eventually looks up at him they share a smile - there’s still a lot of work to do, but she thinks in that moment that they will be fine. How can they not be, when they share something so precious? They are a family.

The baby’s eyes are closed and she’s drifting in and out of sleep so Brienne shifts to place their daughter in Jaime’s arms. As soon as he realises what she’s doing Jaime’s look of happiness changes into one of fear and he actually tries to stop her. Brienne can hear the ugly thoughts inside his head. How Brienne wishes he could see himself the way she sees him. The way their daughter will grow up seeing him, Brienne will make sure of it.

He’s a natural, of course. The baby looks safe and happy in her father’s arms. Brienne might love him more in this moment than she ever had before.

Their daughter slowly opens her eyes and Brienne is still marvelling at how such a small baby who looks so much like Jaime Lannister can have eyes just like hers when Jaime says:

“I’m very sorry to say, my lady, that you now have the second most astonishing set of eyes in the seven kingdoms.”

She doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry so she does both. There’s still some hesitation, and there will be days when she won’t be strong enough not to doubt. But she loves Jaime, and she knows now that he loves her too.

When Jaime leans in to kiss her, first on the cheek then softly on her lips, Brienne leans in. It’s a gentle kiss that speaks of hope and promises they both intend to fulfill. And then Jaime - her husband, the father of her child - says the words Brienne hadn’t realised she had needed him to say all along.

“I told you once we don’t get to choose who we love. I was wrong. I choose you, today and every day, for the rest of our lives.”

Brienne of Tarth is a knight. She is brave. She will choose to open her heart to him again, to let go of her doubts and fears, to understand, to forgive, and then to give them this second chance.

**Author's Note:**

> Literally my first fic, this is very scary. But I love these two and this fandom and couldn't stop writing once I had the idea, so here it is!


End file.
